▶Since I cannot even tell you 'this is how much I love you,' you surely do not know how my longing burns, like the moxa grass of Mount Ibuki.
Fujiwara no Sanekata Ason was a mid-Heian poet, counted among the later Thirty-Six Immortal Poets. He left many elegant love poems at court and was known as a close friend of Sei Shōnagon. He was later sent north as governor of Mutsu and died there. This poem appears in the Goshūi Wakashū with the note "sent to a woman for the first time": a first love letter, written a thousand years ago.
I cannot even put into words how much I care, so you surely do not know. The moxa grass of Mount Ibuki burns quietly without a flame, and the "hi" of "omoi" (longing) also means "fire." He is confessing, for the first time, a feeling that has been burning unseen. It is a poem about the first step of saying what could not be said.
What drew us to this poem is that it sings not of love blazing up, but of love that keeps burning without a flame. Being unable to say the two words "I like you," and walking side by side until it becomes ordinary: that kind of long, unspoken love has not changed in a thousand years. And this was the first poem he ever sent her. Someone a thousand years ago turned words they could not say into a poem and sent it. So we let our hero return the umbrella that was his reason to meet, and on a night when only words are left, send his first "I like you." The chorus line "you don't know" changes only at the end to "I want you to know": the moment the silent fire finally leaps out.
かくとだに（後拾遺集/藤原実方朝臣・百人一首51番）Garu JP
きみの歩幅に 合わせるのが 癖になった
駅までの道を いつも少しだけ 遠回りした
くだらない話で 笑うきみの 横顔を
まっすぐ見られずに 信号ばかり 見ていた
明日の朝には きみは 知らない街の人
「また今度ね」が 通じる距離じゃ もうなくて
雨も降らない夜に 青い傘を 握りしめる
言いかけた言葉は 今日も 喉で くすぶる
ずっと ずっと 胸の奥で 消えない火がある
炎も 上げずに 静かに 赤く 灯ってる
灰にも ならずに
今日まで 燃えてきた
かくとだに えやはいぶきの さしも草
さしも知らじな 燃ゆる思ひを
「好き」の 二文字さえ 言えないまま きみを見てる
こんなに 燃えている 想いを
きみは 知らない
きみが貸してくれた 傘を 返せないままでいた
返したら もう会う理由が なくなる気がして
玄関の隅で 待ちくたびれた 青い傘を
今夜 やっと 返しに来たんだ
改札の明かりが 近づくたびに 足が止まる
あと何歩で きみは 遠い人に なるんだろう
言えば 壊れるかな
言わなきゃ 消えるかな
かくとだに えやはいぶきの さしも草
さしも知らじな 燃ゆる思ひを
きみは 知らない
ドアが閉まる前に 傘を 返した
会う理由は もう どこにも ない
ガラス越しに きみが 何か 言っている
千年前の 誰かも 言えない 夜に
初めての 歌を 送ったんだ
だから ぼくも
かくとだに えやはいぶきの さしも草
さしも知らじな 燃ゆる思ひを
「好き」の 二文字を 今 初めて きみに送るよ
こんなに 燃えていた 想いを
知っていてほしい
Kaku to dani (Goshui-shu / Fujiwara no Sanekata, Hyakunin Isshu No. 51) Garu JP
Matching my steps to yours became a habit
I always took the long way to the station, just a little
your profile, laughing at nothing at all
I couldn't look straight at it, so I watched the traffic lights
By tomorrow morning you'll belong to a town I don't know
we're too far now for "see you next time" to mean anything
on a night without rain, I grip a blue umbrella
the words I almost say smolder in my throat again today
All along, deep in my chest, there's a fire that won't go out
no flame rising, it glows red and quiet
never turning to ash
it has burned until today
"Can I even tell you I feel this way? No, I cannot — like the moxa of Mount Ibuki,
you could never know how fiercely my love is burning"
still unable to say even the two words "I love you," I just watch you
a love that burns this much
and you don't know
I never returned the umbrella you lent me
I felt that once I gave it back, there'd be no reason left to meet
the blue umbrella, tired of waiting in the corner by my door
tonight I've finally come to give it back
Each time the ticket gate's light draws closer, my feet stop
how many steps until you become someone far away?
if I say it, will it break?
if I don't, will it fade?
"Can I even tell you I feel this way? No, I cannot — like the moxa of Mount Ibuki,
you could never know how fiercely my love is burning"
and you don't know
Before the doors closed, I gave the umbrella back
now there's no reason left to meet at all
through the glass, you're saying something
a thousand years ago, someone on a night they couldn't say it
sent their very first poem
and so, I will too
"Can I even tell you I feel this way? No, I cannot — like the moxa of Mount Ibuki,
you could never know how fiercely my love is burning"
for the first time, I'm sending you the two words "I love you"
a love that has burned this much
I want you to know